Managing meltdowns
Managing meltdowns…it’s overwhelm not a tantrum.
It’s not a tantrum, it’s overwhelm. These meltdowns are a response to such intense sensory overload or other frustrations, our neurodivergent kids become overwhelmed, their emotional bucket overflows. Our children work so hard every day to maintain balance in their worlds, but sometimes, the sensory pressures become too much too quickly and it all spills over.
The phrase ‘they went from 0-100’ is often used to describe these reactions, with observers seeing a calm child suddenly ‘lose it’. However, they have been sitting at 80-90 for a while and then the tiniest thing ‘tips them over’. But it is so important to acknowledge, this is not bad behaviour or a tantrum, they are in sensory overload and frustration.
Practical prevention strategies
Our children are not going to just magically cope next time we go shopping, to the pool or playground. We need to take time to plan ahead and set things up so our kids have a better chance of experiencing the busy outside world in a calm way.
Consider potential stress areas
Make a plan – help your child understand what to anticipate before heading out
Neurodivergent children track so much better with predictability. So many of the environments e.g. supermarkets, are the exact opposite of this
Head to the same store, walk the same path, shop for familiar foods. Or go to the same playground, at the same time of day and day of the week
Routine provides a reassuring rhythm for our kids, take them somewhere familiar
Think creatively – is there a better time to go shopping - when the kids are less tired, when it’s less crowded? Can we order online? Can we go to the pool outside of busy times?
Make sure they are well fed ahead of any activity and take extra snacks
Take along their favourite toy or comfort item
Where possible, be a little flexible with day:day routines to incorporate your child’s unique triggers and moods.
Handling overwhelm
It’s going to happen, despite planning and doing the best we can. We often have to try three or four things before we find what works and even then, something that worked yesterday won’t work today. Acknowledge the steps forward – building social and emotional skills alongside self-confidence is a huge job. It’s going to take a lot of patience, love and time.
So, when things go a little sideways, here are some tips to handling the overwhelm.
Go out armed and ready: headphones, sunglasses, snacks, water and a hat. Noise cancelling headphones/earbuds with fun, familiar music can help drown out the background noise of supermarkets and sunglasses and a hat can help lower the intensity of fluoro lighting. Snacks are a great distraction and can help your child feel grounded
And when the overwhelm happens
Take your child away from the stimulus – back to car or another quiet space where they can get away from it all. You may even need to bail on the activity and come back later
Reassure your child that they are safe, they are loved and they are OK
Work with them on breathing deeply and slowly once they are receptive to focusing on something
If pressure or touch helps, make sure you hug them, hold a hand or have a blanket or other comfort item in the car so they can find their safe place
If you’re in a group setting, take them to one side as calmy as you can. It is hard to stay calm in these situation as they are very stressful, but neurodiverse kids pick up on energy and will absorb and reflect it back very quickly. So, the calmer you are, the calmer they will become.
Most importantly, trust your intuition…always. You know your child better than anyone else :-).